Things are getting more and more complicated as I deal with this spiritual stoppage. My husband has now told me that he wants to go back to Buddhism. He wants to integrate Christianity and it's morals but to have the practices of Buddhism. I’ve never really been inclined to Buddhism and have attempted to read up on it. I find that it is even more theoretically diverse than Christianity and often removed from the idea of the Divine. That should make me happy, right? Getting away from God. But it doesn’t. Instead it just makes me feel ... wrong. It is funny that when I run up against the practices of another religion that my personal Christian history and comfort zones pop-up again and again. Though I am angry at God, there are a lot of aspects of Christianity that I like.
I like that the history of Christianity has given rise to equal rights and changes in society that helped end thins like slavery. There are good things that came out of this belief system. I haven’t really seen these things in other belief systems (yet). I look at Buddhist countries (for example) and you rarely see humans treating other humans with more respect or love because the faith of their fathers teach it. I am open to hearing otherwise of course. The evil that gets pinned on Christianity is a symptom of humanity. Nothing evil under a Christian system can be called original to that religion’s influence. Anyone can use whatever they’d like to justify their selfish desires or self promotion; whether it be land grabs, slavery, killing or what have you. Forcing a religion on another culture or people did not begin nor will end with Christianity.
However, I know that part of Buddhism's appeal for my husband is the individualism of Buddhism. There seems a strong aspect of self discipline and self enlightenment. Very much his style. He is always telling me to think for myself and so on. Also, since he was never one for church the practice of spiritual “together time” actually disgusts him. I am trying to understand this, but it is difficult since I have had so many opposite experiences from him.
I grew up in a charismatic church, including the Assembly of God denomination. I was used to singing, clapping, kneeling, lay down, dancing, etc. so for me church is a place a free expression. However, I learned on my own experiences that there is a time and a place for such things. I don't think these expressions are wrong but maybe it encourages a false form of "praise" to God. I have attended many types of Christian churches - Nazarene, Assembly of God, Messianic temple, non-denominational, Pentecostal, Southern Baptist, Episcopal, Roman Catholic and (this weekend) Orthodox.
Personally, when I actually wanted to spend time with the Divine Force I would sit in my room and meditate on a Christian song and writings and of course scripture. As a young adult I started learning about "Celtic Christianity" since this was the fad in music at the time. I was in love with Iona's music and the prayer-songs they had on their CD's. I learned that there were churches springing up in the "celtic areas" and got some of their prayer books. I like that they integrated nature and the seasons into the worship. In high school readings I'd been exposed to the Emerson/Theauro schools of thought and loved the idea that God was in everything around us. Of course the Celtic church is not a church I can attend around my neighborhood and I attempted to have my own times of church at home. Then I moved in to paganism. The Celtic Church was not the cause of this but it was around this time the I had a breaking with God. I have not really recovered from it either, but know I don't want to be a pagan/druid/wiccan... I just need to get this all figured out and to make my existence mean something, too.
However, I know that part of Buddhism's appeal for my husband is the individualism of Buddhism. There seems a strong aspect of self discipline and self enlightenment. Very much his style. He is always telling me to think for myself and so on. Also, since he was never one for church the practice of spiritual “together time” actually disgusts him. I am trying to understand this, but it is difficult since I have had so many opposite experiences from him.
I grew up in a charismatic church, including the Assembly of God denomination. I was used to singing, clapping, kneeling, lay down, dancing, etc. so for me church is a place a free expression. However, I learned on my own experiences that there is a time and a place for such things. I don't think these expressions are wrong but maybe it encourages a false form of "praise" to God. I have attended many types of Christian churches - Nazarene, Assembly of God, Messianic temple, non-denominational, Pentecostal, Southern Baptist, Episcopal, Roman Catholic and (this weekend) Orthodox.
Personally, when I actually wanted to spend time with the Divine Force I would sit in my room and meditate on a Christian song and writings and of course scripture. As a young adult I started learning about "Celtic Christianity" since this was the fad in music at the time. I was in love with Iona's music and the prayer-songs they had on their CD's. I learned that there were churches springing up in the "celtic areas" and got some of their prayer books. I like that they integrated nature and the seasons into the worship. In high school readings I'd been exposed to the Emerson/Theauro schools of thought and loved the idea that God was in everything around us. Of course the Celtic church is not a church I can attend around my neighborhood and I attempted to have my own times of church at home. Then I moved in to paganism. The Celtic Church was not the cause of this but it was around this time the I had a breaking with God. I have not really recovered from it either, but know I don't want to be a pagan/druid/wiccan... I just need to get this all figured out and to make my existence mean something, too.
